Sometimes, it is cute to see your partner jealous. This could make you feel truly loved and wanted like this person is afraid to lose you. Who does not want to feel this way?
However, too much or constant jealousy is far from being healthy in a relationship. It reveals insecurity in the part of the jealous person. It may seem romantic for a while, but wanting to be together all the time—like your world only revolves around each other—could become toxic in the long run.
Now, how can you determine if your partner is unhealthily jealous? Or let us make this more personal. Evaluating yourself against these obvious signs, do you think your jealousy for your partner is still normal?
1. You want to be with your partner like 24/7.
Yes, it is normal to miss your boyfriend/girlfriend whenever you are not together, especially if you are used to being around each other. However, it is a different thing if you want your partner to yourself alone like you do not want him/her to have a life outside of your relationship.
Your love for your partner is selfish if you would not want him/her to explore just because you are afraid of losing the person. True love sets a person free to find himself/herself. Allow your boyfriend/girlfriend to pursue dreams and meet new people. If in the end s/he still stays with you, then you would have proven his/her love for you.
2. You always check on him/her every minute you are not together.
Calling or messaging your partner all the time whenever you are not together is another sign of unhealthy jealousy. If you are always getting paranoid about what s/he is up to every time s/he is out of your sight, then it means you do not really trust him/her. Indeed, this is very unhealthy because it causes you anxiety.
If you are always asking for details about the whereabouts and activities of your partner, the time might come that s/he would get tired of it. In the end, it would be your fault why s/he would choose to walk away.
3. S/he is not allowed to go out with friends.
If you do not like your partner seeing his/her friends for the fear of him/her enjoying with someone else, then you are crazily jealous.
You would not want to give up your friends just because your boyfriend/girlfriend said so, right? Surely, you would feel bad if you would not be allowed to see your friends anymore, especially when you know there is nothing wrong with your friendship.
4. You do not want him/her to talk with the opposite sex.
Just so you know, your partner would forever be surrounded with people from the opposite sex, unless you keep him/her in a box. You cannot stop him/her from meeting new people, working with them, or being friends with them. It would also be unhealthy for your partner to avoid the opposite sex.
If just seeing your boyfriend/girlfriend talking with someone from the opposite sex could already enrage you, then it is time to assess yourself. Do you consider it healthy?
5. You monitor his/her social media activities.
Yes, it is fine if you and your partner share passwords to your social media accounts for transparency. However, what is not good is if you are secretly monitoring your partner’s social media activities, including whom s/he follows, the posts s/he reacts or comments to, or his/her recent searches.
If you are doing this, then let me tell you that paranoia is overcoming you. You should stop doing this because it is filling your mind with doubts, suspicions, and malice. This would not keep your relationship working for long.
6. You stalk everyone who reacts or comments on your partner’s posts.
Just like in the previous number, this is a sign of paranoia too. If you are stalking every person who reacts or comments on your boyfriend/girlfriend’s post, it means you are convincing yourself that you are being cheated on. It would keep you suspicious of everyone your partner comes in contact with.
Yeah, it would be great if you have amazing detective skills that would keep you from being hurt. However, what if your partner is actually faithful to you? Then, you are only wasting your energy on nothing.
7. You always accuse him/her of cheating,
If you cannot resist the urge of accusing your partner of infidelity, then it shows how jealous you are. You cannot call your relationship healthy if you always doubt the faithfulness of your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Mistrust is an indication of a shaky relationship. As they say, love cannot exist where there is no trust. So, if you cannot trust your partner, you have to ask yourself if you still want to stay in your relationship.
8. S/he is not allowed to go somewhere or do something fun without you.
Your jealousy is so obvious if you cannot let your partner enjoy without you. This shows your own insecurity—your lack of confidence that you are fun to be with. For this reason, you are afraid that your partner would be so happy somewhere else, apart from you, that s/he would not come back.
This problem is from the inside, and more than ruining your relationship, it could completely destroy your self-esteem. It is best if you resolve this within yourself first before it could manifest in your relationship.
9. You always ask your partner’s whereabouts and who s/he is with.
Do you feel uneasy whenever your partner is out of sight? If you often require that s/he updates you of where s/he is and who his/her companions are, then you are a very jealous person. Worse is when you demand that s/he sends you photos of his/her environment and companions.
If you are fond of doing this, then you better start changing this habit. This is too much of an indication that you do not trust your partner. It would not be surprising if s/he gets tired of it someday.
Secure Your Self-Worth
If after reading these signs you have figured out that you are unhealthily jealous—and it is about to ruin your relationship—then you need to solve the problem ASAP. Everything boils down to low self-esteem, which results in insecurities. If you are secure with yourself, then you would not be jealous of anyone or anything.